Benefits

Laying under these covers, you by my side, I wonder how you do it. How we end up entangling ourselves to extreme proximities and yet you are devoid of any shred of feelings. Is this what is like to live without a heart? Do you ever feel the void like I do, after you leave every morning? I find myself feeling like this is a business deal. You get what you want and I get to fuck the love of my life. What more should I expect from my life. But ask me. Ask me some day and I will tell you. What is like to being close and yet being so far. The pleasure of you being inside me, laid to death with the coldness of your emotionless face. I have you everyday, in hope I will have you one day.

Weren’t you the charmer from the start. We both knew all we wanted was to end up in a bed. Shushing our carnal urges there and moving on. What I didn’t, was that I will be stuck in this cycle of wanting you as a whole or nothing but still not willing to leave the part I have. Are we even friends? Or just beneficiaries of lust. It was great until feelings crept in, until the day I wished that you were mine.

Love stories and those overtly passionate lovers look foolish. You hear about all those people who did stupid stuff for their love. Like hanging themselves, getting stupid tattoos or even blowing their brains out with a gun. But once you are in this ditch yourself, in a corner of your mind you know love is taking control, making you do all sorts of stuff you never wanted to. Is it like God loves playing around with people’s minds with this feeling called love? One moment and this Chemical imbalance in your brain leaves you thinking about that one person all the time. Ruining every moment you could have spent peacefully without thinking about them.

Remember when we used to talk? When we were friends and not just silent fuck dolls. With a lighted cigarette on my lips I often ply the streets figuring out what happened to the charm of this city. This city, all welcoming and warm from outside. Came a little closer and saw how cold it was. Neighbours barely knowing each other. You, are like the city took a human form.

Never grew up. Still having outrageous fantasies like I am 6 years old. Sitting here in my gloom and wishing that someday you will be on top of me, bring your chiseled chin closer to my cheeks, brushing it with your beard and whisper “I loved you all along. Have always done, will always do”. And then we will kiss passionately, like lovers do.

benefits

 

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