I have been walking for three hours. I wonder if it was a good idea to just walk through Rishikesh from place to place. I wonder if even this trip was a good idea.
The pessimist in me always resisted the idea of solo trips. My perpetually procrastinating mind never let me think about it. It all made sense when a friend suggested I should take a short trip. To spend some time with myself. Away from clutter. Away from the person I was becoming.
Reluctantly, I went ahead. A weekend trip, just me.
I have been wondering. What am I looking for? Can the company of mountains and breeze help me find what I am looking for? It’s hard to fight your own people and harder to fight yourself. How will I do it? Two days and I will be back to the same grind. Same clutter. Same me. I rummage through a thousand thoughts.
I enter the ‘Beatles Ashram‘. Named so because The Beatles studied meditation here for some months in 1968. The walls of the abandoned Ashram quarters are painted with psychedelic graffiti. The main hall has gigantic artwork depicting members of The Beatles.
I take a closer look at the dilapidated walls of the Ashram and they are all filled with text and drawings. Couples and people trying to etch their presence on walls in a little defacing way.
I was fine. I was trying to ensure that I take something good back with me from the trip. I was pausing at moments to think about where I have been in life and is it a good place to be. Trust me, I was trying. And I was fine.
Then I saw something. Written on the wall. It said “You are here in Rishikesh, ? (Question) remains, now what will you do to solve your life?”. I was fine. And then I wasn’t. I didn’t want to bawl in public. I managed to hold the barrage of tears. Eyes moist, I felt the futility of trying.
No one wants to face it, but there it was. The truth, mocking me right in my face. One thinks a change in landscape will help. But I was right here, and I was still the same.
I stood there for moment. Just staring at it. I realized it. It’s never the places that change us. We change ourselves. Places just give us the pause that we need to look into ourselves and make amends.
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